How are you? Today we are going to talk about positive parenting. As a mother, I’m always trying my best to improve myself. Motherhood is a wonderfully rewarding journey but it can also be stressful, exhausting, complicated, confusing, exciting, amazing, the list goes on and on. There are days where you just want to give up but you’re also so grateful for all that you have, you know the days I’m talking about: the ones where your kids spilled an entire bowl of cereal but they ran over, kissed you and said sorry. Kids are like a jack-in-the box, you honestly know when they are going to pop-up and surprise you. Maybe that isn’t the best metaphor, but you get where I am going with this.
In this blog post, I will share my tips on how to be a more patient mom and practice positive parenting. I am no expert and I doubt there’s a perfect method on parenting. However, we can improve ourselves everyday and strive to become better parents, there is always room for improvement. I hope these tips will help you create a stronger connection with your kids and build trust for a concrete foundation.
1. Try To See Things Through Your Childs Eyes, Put Yourself in Their Shoes.
Whenever I’m trying to get chores done, eat, take a shower, prepare a meal, or even when my daughter spills her juice, and creates a mess, I want to get mad at her. However, I tried to see things her way and put myself in her shoes and it’s change my perspective entirely. She isn’t trying to upset me, she didn’t mean to spill her juice, what she was trying to do was help me put away the laundry, she wanted me to pick her up so she can see what mommy is doing with all of those vegetables. She’s curious and still learning, I can’t get mad at her for that.
We are our children’s role model, we have to set an example for them.
2. Forgive Yourself.
Before we improve ourselves, we must acknowledge who we are and what we’ve done, otherwise we won’t learn from our past mistakes. After my daughter makes a mess, I yell and say things like “look at what you’ve done!” And instead of acknowledging that she made a mistake, I made a bigger one.
Our kids look up to us and seek our guidance. Rather than screaming I should’ve explained what she did and why I was upset but yelling was the wrong thing to do.
Remember, your kids won’t listen to what you say, they will do what you do. Set a good example.
Take some time to reflect, figure out what is triggering you and causing you to lash out so easily. Is this how you were disciplined when you were younger? Is it because you didn’t feel loved or supported?
Write down your reflections and aspire to be a great parent. Regardless of what we say or do, your children will come out just like you. Fill their childhood memories with happy moments, not with mommy meltdowns, you want them to feel loved and supported, not shamed and hurt.
3. Think About All That You Have, What Are You Grateful For?
It is such a wonderful, beautiful, joyful thing to be a parent. There are many individuals out there trying to conceive, it’s not easy. Before I complain about my daughter or how hard it is being a mom, I try to think about how grateful I am for all that I have.
Happiness can’t be purchased, it is something you create and it can be under any circumstances. I feel as though reflecting can help. I’m content and grateful for being a mom, for having a roof over our heads, and milk to spill. Being grateful makes life so much better.
4. Plan, Plan, Plan!
In the wise words of Forrest Gump, “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get.” Before you get upset with your kids that you’re late, that they got food on their clothing, that they won’t let you cook, or that their meltdown caused you to leave the grocery store, remember this: plan accordingly. As a mother, you know your children best. Plan around their nap times and feeding times, and no I don’t mean plan a day ahead, I mean purchase a dry-erase board and plan out your weeks in advance.
Do you have a doctor appointment? Give yourself an extra hour or two to get yourself and your kids dressed. Going somewhere? Pack your bags the night before so you don’t forget anything, maybe create a list and check it twice so you don’t forget the necessities. Are you going out to eat? Bring an extra set of clothes if you need to go somewhere after, don’t get upset if they make a mess on their clothes. Meal plan! When the kids are asleep, chop up your veggies and season your meat so it’s ready to go.
It’s easy to plan ahead and it relieves so much stress. It’s not about finding time, it’s about making time.
5. Adjust Your Expectations.
Motherhood can be trying. Get the word perfect out of your head, in parenting there’s no such thing. It’s okay to have a bad day, no one or nothing is perfect. If you’re having a bad day, tell your kids, don’t lash out on them if they’ve done something upsetting. They don’t know what you may be going through or experiencing. If you’ve had a long day don’t yell at them for breaking a toy or making a mess, instead, say something like, “mommy’s had a hard day, I’m sorry for getting upset, let’s fix (or clean) this up together.”
You will be surprised how far kindness goes with your kids. Remember they are still learning and it’s up to you to teach them the right ways. It’ll also teach them how to have empathy and sympathy, two very important emotions. Children need to know it’s ok to have feelings and even more important that they can trust you to express them.
6. Stop, Think, and Breathe, Before You React.
I agree, it’s harder than it sounds. After you’ve had an argument with someone, screamed, or even broken something, have you caught yourself thinking after the fact “I shouldn’t have let that get to me” or “I wish I wasn’t so harsh.” If so, you may have a temper issue, but we’ll get to that later. However, when it comes to your children, no matter what they do, stop, think, and breathe, before you react. Count to 10 if you need to, just don’t react immediately. Why? Because if we let our emotions get the best of us, life would be quite messy and we might cause irreversible damage, such as traumatizing our kids and letting them think it’s normal and okay for mommy to scream at me if I did something (remember, our kids especially toddlers, still don’t entirely know right from wrong, we must guide them) and so they grow up and act the same. They may even lash out at their peers!
7. It May Be You, Not Your Child.
You know how you get mad at your child when they aren’t doing something right, or they make a mess? Well quite honestly, they are not the problem, it’s you. Parenting is a tough job but it’s one that must be done. Don’t blame your child and their actions for your outbursts. Many adults are stressed out nowadays, we’re all constantly being rushed and we expect our kids to pick up the pace and act accordingly. Truth be told, they shouldn’t have to. Be present when your child is present, don’t worry about anything else, don’t rush them or force them to do things. The world can wait, teach your child to enjoy life and yourself as well. Your children aren’t to blame, it’s your parenting style.
8. Learn Patience.
Patience. How we all wish to be so but are so far from it. Everyday when you wake up, take the time to count to 10 and learn to breathe slowly. Gather your through and recharge yourself. It may be hard, but wake up before your children and practice. When your children are running circles around you, close your eyes and breathe. It’s hard, I know. But, patience with children is a necessity not an option. You must mold them and that requires the utmost patience.
At the end of the day, our children are a reflection of us and our parenting skills. Practicing positive parenting and patience goes a long way and will prepare, and keep us sane through the journey of motherhood/parenthood. Just by reading these tips you took a step towards the right direction. There’s always room for improvement. If you want to learn more about positive parenting, Google those two keywords and continue your journey. I will continue posting more about positive parenting, patience, becoming a zen parent, and so on.
A mother learning patience.