Am I A Good Mother?

Am I a good mother?

I have been repeatedly asking myself this question for months. Parenting two babies is heavy and difficult to navigate because they both have their own needs, wants, and require different parts of me.⠀⠀

My patience has been shorter and so has my temper, I feel stretched too thin. I broke down at least three times over the past few months, hearing both of my kids cry at the same time and having to take care of one before the other has brought me to my knees more than once. I feel guilty, how can ones need be more important than the other? Why can’t there be more of me?

Am I doing this mothering thing wrong? Is it supposed to be this difficult? Are my girls going to hate me?

I feel as though I’ve been rushing Anaís to grow up because Katya is here. Potty training her quickly, breaking her thumb-sucking habit, no longer coddling her, less snuggling and playtime sessions, shorter baths, no more tea parties, but why the fuck am I doing that? Anaís is my baby, she’s my first baby girl and she’ll always be my baby even when she’s 65.⠀⠀

I’m too absorbed in keeping the house clean and organized, cooking, and doing everything else, that I feel like I’ve been neglecting Anaís. Everyone keeps telling me otherwise but my mom guilt is eating away at me. I have so much to do, such little time, it’s all overwhelming.

So I’m slowing down. I’m allowing Anaís to create messes (I clean when she naps), we’re reading together more, we arise before Katya for an extra cuddling session, tea parties are back, bath time is fun again, we have dance parties, karaoke in the car, she’s been helping mommy cook, and I’ve been making time to take her to the park and get happy meals.

Motherhood is strenuous, sticky, and heavy, but it’s also beautiful, enlightening, empowering, and important. I am a good mom because I’m trying and I refuse to give up, I acknowledge the errors in my ways and I’m repairing them. My girls deserve the best mom and I’m doing all I can to ensure they are joyful, thriving, knowledgeable, and safe.

Dear fellow moms, you got this ❤️

3 thoughts on “Am I A Good Mother?

  1. Having raised my daughters, I can tell you that all you’re going through, all you’re questioning, is completely normal :)) It’s an unending, ever-giving roll that you’re in. Breathe. Adjust in the ways that you can (like you mentioned, cuddles and loosening up, etc.). But know that you will succeed. You will make it through. It will all work out. Your daughters will grow up productive and empowered. Pray! Keep your faith! Hang in there. And enjoy :)) :)) Love will see you through! Dawn

    https://journalofdawn.wordpress.com/

    Liked by 1 person

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